marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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