So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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