tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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