I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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