She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
