So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
