His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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