So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
