I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Found the puke drawer
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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