My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
