Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
