Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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