i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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