dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Hippo gnu deer
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
