Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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