he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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