I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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