i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
