I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
