I'm lost and stupid without you.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
