Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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