I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
