It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
