So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
