Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
