I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
