Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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