WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
