You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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