Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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