dude i'm inner monologue high
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
