It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You were trust falling into bushes
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
