Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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