If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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