I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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