I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
