Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
