My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
