And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
