You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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