You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
