he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
