yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
