Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
