I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize