someone get that fucking seahorse.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
