Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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