Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
