I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
