why didn't you poke me back
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I wish there were birth control emojis
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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