Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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