Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
