I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
