now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
