Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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