Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
