i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
