who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
