you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
