Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
