after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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