So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm like, not good at living.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
