Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
