then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
