my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You left your phone here
Wait...
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