last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
