Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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