That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize